Good Bye
by Jolec
Summary: After the shooting at the precinct ... Story placed some time in the 13th season
1. Chapter 1

Hello everybody !

So… CM has left SVU and won't be back for the 13th, huh? Well, I really hope the prod will at least at some point in the 13th season have a real farewell moment … seriously…

I couldn't stop thinking of this … how will Olivia react? What Elliot would say or do ? Here is my version, please take it as it is, a fanfic from an EO shipper, yes, but overall a fanfic about a goodbye, because SVU fans need to say goodbye to Elliot properly.

Reviews are welcome !

Olivia hadn't heard about him for months. The night after the shooting at the precinct, Elliot had declined Olivia's offer for a drink to talk about what happened. He had gone straight to home. She couldn't blame him, there was nothing to say about it, he shot a teenage girl. He killed a teenage girl. She tried to fill in his shoes, and even she witnessed the scene, she knew she would never be in his shoes.

He hadn't called the day after.

He hadn't called two days after.

He hadn't called one week after.

Then Cragen told her she would have to train newbies. She hadn't understood first. After few days she realized Elliot wouldn't come back soon. Of course there was an investigation, but …everything was confused. She needed her partner. She needed to talk to him about what happened. She had tried to call him, but he never returned her calls. Last time she called, Kathy answered he was not at home, that he had left town to rest and think. She could not reach him. That day Olivia bit her lip so hard, she didn't want tears to spread on her face.

Few months after, she was working with new colleagues. Munch and Fin were still there, but things had changed. She felt detached from everything, like nothing was real. But the body they had found two days ago was real, and her colleagues were impatient to put the perp behind bars.

She was exhausted. She tried to type her last notes in the record system when Cragen came to her.

Cragen: Olivia, you seem so tired. Go home, sleep, and come back tomorrow morning.

Olivia: No, Captain, thanks. I'm ok. I need a cup of coffee, that's all.

Fin: That would be your 20th for today.

Olivia: Wait, you count the cups of coffee I drink?

Fin: Well, for someone who said few years ago that drinking coffee is not a good idea, I think you drink a lot.

Olivia: Fin, could you mind your own business, please?

Cragen: I'm sorry Olivia, Fin's probably right, but you look terrible, so I _tell _you to go back home. I'm not really _asking_ you.

Olivia felt determination in his voice, and she was too tired to fight. She stood up, turned her computer off and left without saying good bye.

Once at home, she threw her clothes off and made her a bath. She needed warm water to relax. Or a glass of wine. And music. Or holidays. Or…she was just tired, of everything. She wanted to disappear for some time, and be in a smooth world where emotions would not be felt. She needed a break, from her job, from her heart that has been bleeding for too long now. She was emotionally exhausted.

After her bath she wrapped herself in a very long towel, and went to her closet to decide which comfy outfit to wear. She chose a brown long sleeves top, and soft cream pants.

She opened a bottle of wine, put music on, and walked to her couched. She laid on it and started to relax. After few minutes she could hear music playing from far, but something was wrong in the melody. It took her few minutes to realize it was not the music. Someone was knocking at her door. She sat, grabbed the remote control and lowered the music. She stood up, and looked through the hole in the middle of the door. She jumped. Her heart jumped. She had to look twice to confirm. He was here. Elliot was behind her door. She swallowed and opened the door slowly. She could feel her heart racing. She wanted to yell at him, to slap him, to wrap him in her eyes. She felt tears and bit her inner cheek. She wanted to say something but as she opened her mouth, nothing came. He was there, standing in front of her.

Elliot: Hey!

He said nothing else for few seconds before adding: "Can I come in? I'd like to talk to you. I need to talk to you."

Olivia heard herself answer: "No"

Elliot didn't seem surprised she answered that.

Elliot: Liv, I know…I should have called, please, let me explain you, I have to talk to you, I have to apologize. Please. Let me in.

Olivia bit her lip but let him enter. She walked to the couch when she heard:

"Where can I put this?"

She turned to see Elliot carrying a large bouquet of red roses. Once again she wanted to say something but no word came out.

Elliot: I guess I let them in the sink with water, until you find a vase.

She still could not say a word.

Elliot went behind the counter, opened the tap and let the flowers with some water in the sink. He took his jacket off and put it on the counter before walking to her. She stopped him with a gesture. He understood she didn't want him to come closer to her.

Elliot: Olivia, I am sorry I haven't called. I am sorry you haven't heard a word from me these past months. I am sorry I haven't returned your calls.

Olivia yelled: YOU'RE "_SORRY"_? I…I….

She couldn't add a word. She felt tears flowing down her cheeks, and she could not stop them. She couldn't, it was too late, and she was tired of fighting and pushing every feeling away. Her heart was so heavy that eventually crying was the only thing that could relieve. Elliot walked towards her, and she tried to stop him again, but this time he didn't care.

She stepped back, still showing him with her gesture she didn't want him to come closer, but he came to her.

Olivia: No, no, no no no no no !

He grabbed her arm and pulled her against him. He firmly wrapped his arms around her and she gave up, she put her head on his shoulder. She cried so hard she couldn't stop. He whispered:

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Olivia. I never wanted to hurt you"

He let her cry few minutes, she needed time to calm down.

He could feel his shirt getting wet of tears, he could feel her whole body shaking against his, and he didn't know what to do to help her to calm down. He waited, holding her against him, a hand in the middle of her back, and another one in her hair. She had never let him be so close so long. Last time she had cried in his arms it was after Sonya's death, and she even didn't stay one minute long in his arms. She told him she was okay. She was always okay. She never let him be protective to her. Not his way. He felt that she calmed down and said once more:

"Liv…I…I am sorry. Can you let me explain you?"

She raised her head from his shoulder and wiped her tears.

Olivia: Yeah. For once you want to express yourself, I won't stop you from talking !

He smiled at her.

Olivia: But let me first put some fresh water on my face. Have a seat. Have a glass of wine, I just opened the bottle, and you know where glasses are.

She went to her bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

First, thank you for all your reviews, I really appreciated ! I hope you'll like this chapter also.

Thank you for reading this one, and tell me what you think !

Elliot went to the cupboards in the kitchen to grab a glass. He came back to the couch, took the bottle from the table and poured some wine. He looked outside through the window, but everything was dark. He could see the rain hitting the windows, and some lights coming from buildings across, but nothing else.

Olivia walked in her bedroom to reach the bathroom. She was still feeling weak and hurt, but she was feeling relieved in the same time. She could feel her hands shaking. She opened the tap and put some fresh water on her face. She let her hands on her face, mixing fresh water with some hot tears. After few seconds she raised her head, she looked at her red face in the mirror, and breathed heavily several times. She turned the tap off, grabbed a towel and slowly dried her face. She breathed heavily once more, before coming back to the living room.

Elliot turned to her when he heard the door closing.

She stayed there. Far from him.

Olivia: Okay. I'm ready to listen.

He took her glass from the table and held it to her. She had to walk towards him and come closer if she wanted to have a sip of wine. She looked at the glass, she looked at him, and walked towards him. She took the glass from his hand.

Elliot: Liv, what happened that day at the precinct is beyond what can be said.

Olivia: I know.

Elliot: I killed a teenage girl. IAB cleared me, telling me I had no other choice, but…

Olivia: I didn't know that.

Elliot: They called me last night. That's why I wanted to see you today. When I knew I was cleared I called Cragen to tell him, and to ask him to send you home early tonight.

Olivia: Mmh. Well done.

Elliot : Olivia…I wanted to call you. I really did. I just couldn't. I had no right to do it while IAB was investigating..._He saw Olivia rolling her eyes with anger._ I know….I know … investigation didn't start the day after the shooting... I know you called me. _He paused._ I couldn't talk to you. I …. I was lost. I needed to talk to you. I just couldn't. I can't really tell you how I felt, it was… so… weird. I needed my partner but in the same time it was like I needed to stay away from everyone. I asked IAB authorization to retreat for few days in the mountains. I gave them the address where I planned to stay, and I left. Few weeks after I came back, and … life around me was going on, you know… Richard and Elizabeth were celebrating their 20th, family was there, Maureen introduced me to her boyfriend, Kathleen told me she passed her last exams…I had no other choice than keeping going on with my life. In a certain way they forced me to live again. I spent time with my family, and I felt it was right! I… I spoke to friends of Kathleen who wanted to join the Force, and it forced me to clear my mind about what happened, and what I could do then. I called the Police Academy, I met some teachers, and … I taught for one day as a test to a first year class. I felt…peaceful. I have lived a lot of things as a cop, it ended badly, but at least I am alive, I can walk, I can think. _He paused again. _I wanted to call you the day I taught at the Academy. But I was afraid. Teaching was a good feeling, but …

_He looked at her straight in the eyes. _

I was afraid.

I wanted to call you to share this experience but I was afraid.

I wanted to hear you telling me it was the right choice, leaving the Force to teach.

I was afraid you would tell me it was the right choice, and that you would let me go.

I wanted to hear you telling me I could still be a cop, and that you needed me as your partner.

I was afraid you would tell me that, because I needed to do something else, and I didn't want you to feel abandoned. I suppose, I can see right now, that you felt abandoned anyway.

Olivia: and pushed away…and ignored… Betrayed as a partner, betrayed as a friend... Abandoned as a partner, abandoned as a friend.

Elliot: I know. Olivia, I don't know how to handle such hard moments.

Olivia: You always push me away, but you never did like this time.

Elliot: You are used to push me away also, but you're right.

Olivia: That's not the same thing. I have to protect myself.

Elliot: How's that?

Olivia realized she said too much.

Olivia: So…is it official? You leave the Force to join the Academy as a teacher?

Elliot understood she had said something very personal, especially because she didn't answer his question.

Elliot: Yes. I'll join the teaching team within few weeks to think about new topics for the next year. And next year, I'll be one of the permanent teachers.

Olivia: Congratulations. I have no doubt you'll be a great one.

Elliot: Thank you.

They looked at one another for few seconds without a word.

Olivia broke the gaze and looked to the kitchen.

Olivia: Thanks for the roses. They're gorgeous.

Elliot: I couldn't come and apologize with empty hands. And these roses were there, waiting for me to bring them to you.

He said nothing for few seconds before adding:

Elliot: Actually … I couldn't imagine bringing you something else.

Olivia laughed slightly and looked back to him.

Elliot: …. I mean … I didn't want to bring you common flowers. I wanted to apologize properly, and to make you understand that I … I care about you, more than you think, and … I don't want to lose you. I am sorry I hurt you, and if you don't want to see me anymore, well… I'd understand.

He was waiting for an answer.

She was still silent.

She took a sip from her wine, looked at the liquid in her glass, and took a deep breath before looking back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you thank you thank you for all your reviews !

Here is chapter 3, and the 4th is also following….I hope you'll like both !

Enjoy (I hope ! ) and review !

Olivia: That's hard … at work … without you. I… I feel...I don't know how to describe it. I am so used to be with you all the time. Ignoring me like you did was just … so painful. _Pause. _I understand you want to leave. I wish … _She felt tears spreading again on her cheeks. _I wish you talked to me. I wish I wouldn't need you like I did. _She swiped the tears. _Elliot, the first weeks were like hell without you. We have new colleagues, newbies to train. I had to find energy again to get up in the morning and go to work. I needed to keep going on, or I would have gone crazy. I know I have changed, and I can tell you that Munch, Fin and of course Cragen are watching me e-ve-ry day. Almost every hour. These new colleagues…They are …younger, they have lots of … fresh mind, they bring us so much. I give them advices, I guide them…it's so different than before. I can't say it is better because it is not, it is different. Like I said, the first weeks were like hell for me, but these new people kept me on track and I had no other choice than following them. Or I would have gone crazy. _Pause. _So I adapted myself. Don't get it wrong, I miss you every day. I miss you in every decision, in every moment of interview, I miss our partnership, I miss…I miss you so much. But I have to move on, I don't have a choice. I have to reorganize my life, even if my life is only about work, I have to write a new page. Elliot… _she breathed slowly, closed her eyes, swiped her face and opened her eyes to look at him straight in the eyes. _Elliot I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want you in this new chapter of my life.

_Elliot opened his mouth, he wanted to object but she didn't let him time to. _

Olivia: I can't have you in my life anymore. It's a difficult decision, but I have to stick to this one.

Elliot: Liv! I ... I feared you would say that. Olivia, why?

Olivia: Elliot, be honest! When do you think we would see each other?

Elliot: Well…

Olivia: Do you really think we would see each other? Elliot…you know how this job is. You know hours we're working. What did you do most of the time after work? You went back home, I went back home, trying to get as much sleep as possible before the next case. Do you really think we can see us? When? Five minutes for a coffee once every two weeks? I don't want that.

Elliot: It won't be like that!

Olivia: Really? How would it be?

Elliot: Well….we'll need time to figure this out!

Olivia: No! Elliot…I .. I can't.

_She paused._

Olivia: El, when we were partners…_She felt her throat tighten when she said that, _we were used to be together for around twelve to fifteen hours a day! And now you're asking me to see us once every month or something like that? I can't Elliot. You… _She slowed down_. You were with **me **all day long, twelve hours a day, six days per week, only with **me**.

_She paused. _

_Elliot was looking at her, he didn't want to stop her talking. He felt his heart beat faster. _

_T__hey were not__ so used__ to spread their __feelings,__whatever they were.__Maybe__ they __were __afraid of something__, perhaps __they both __were __reserved,__at least they never __exposed __to each __other__ in this way __that long,__ this __honest,__ and he felt __it was a__ decisive moment.__ She had never__ shown __much__ of herself __and he knew he__ should __be __honest __with himself __and with her also._

Olivia: I should say…You were **mine **all day long. **Mine. **So seeing you for few minutes once a time…I know I'd die waiting for this moment to come. That's why I'd rather not see you anymore. It's like… I have been forced to go to rehab for Elliot.

_He smiled slightly. _

Olivia: So…I'm asking you, Elliot, to respect my choice. Please.

Elliot: So this is the last time I am seeing you?

Olivia: Yes.

Elliot: I was not prepared for that.

Olivia: I was not prepared for you to leave me.

Elliot: Liv!

Olivia: I know…it sounds like I am punishing you, I am not. I am protecting myself, Elliot. I respect your choice of leaving, please respect mine.

Elliot: I do. I just don't know what to do without you. I am so used to have you in my life. I **need you in my life, Olivia.**

Olivia: No, you don't. You needed a partner, a support at work, you had one. Now you're not working anymore, you don't need that support anymore, that's…normal.

Elliot: That's not that simple.

Olivia: How's that? You have your wife, Kathy loves you, and you love her. That's all you need! Your family!

Elliot: No. … Well…yes, I do need my family but I also need Olivia Benson in my life. I … it's not just that I need you. I **want **you in my life. I want my best friend…

Olivia: That's the difference between us, Elliot. You need your best friend, I need my Elliot.

Elliot: Liv…

Olivia: That's okay, Elliot. I have pushed my feelings deep inside me. I have absolutely no right to feel what I feel, but one can't control feelings. So I bit the bullet and took on the role of partner and best friend all this time. I had you with me for several hours a day. It was my world, in which what I was living with my Elliot would be experienced by no one else.

_Elliot felt tears in his eyes. _

Elliot: Olivia! I would be a liar if I'd say I feel like you're my best friend only.

Olivia: Stop! You have no right to say more.

Elliot: I don't but you have to know.

Olivia: What for? That's useless.

Elliot: Olivia, if it's the last time I am seeing you I have to ask you a favor.

Olivia: What favor?

_Elliot bit his lip. He came closer to her. He looked at her in the eyes. She understood. _

Elliot: A kiss.

_He leaned __slowly towards __her and__ gently placed__ his lips __on hers__, expecting __her to push him away__. __But she did nothing.__She let him__ do,__and even __kissed him back__.  
><em>_He __felt no __resistance and__ dared __to place a __hand on__ her neck __and the other__ one __in the middle__ of her back. She put one hand behind his head and they both deepened the kiss. _


	4. Chapter 4

_He pulled her closer and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt her heart explode and she feared she would have a heart attack but nothing mattered right this moment, nothing else than this kiss. She had dreamed of it so many times. She had hoped for it so many times. _

_He couldn't believe kissing her was so natural. Of course he thought she was a gorgeous woman, but at work she was his partner, his co- worker, and he would never allow himself looking at her in a different way. That was too dangerous, for his marriage, for their partnership, for their job. He never really understood how much she loved him until tonight. How could he guess? She was always helping him when he had troubles with Kathy…_

_Elliot smelled her perfume and broke the kiss. He moved his lips to behind her ear and started kissing her neck to her shoulder. She felt electricity in her whole body, alongside her spine and felt goose bumps on her skin. Her mind was telling her this was dangerous. Her body was telling her it was feeling good. _

Olivia: Elliot! Don't…

_But she felt his tongue tracing up from her shoulder back to her ear and her whole body shivered. He came back to her lips, kissed her and jump to the other side of her neck. Her heart raced and she moaned slightly as she felt his lips on her shoulder. _

_When he heard her moan he wanted more from her and he came back to her lips, kissing her passionately. He pressed her against him, wanting to feel her completely against him. He managed to place one leg between hers and she escaped a moan when she felt his move. She let her hands wander on his back and he lowered one hand, to reach the bottom of her top. She felt his hand on her skin and she broke the kiss. She was breathless and whispered against his lips: _

Olivia: Elliot, this is dangerous. I don't have any ability to resist anymore, and you know and I know it would be a very big mistake. I warn you, I won't tell it twice.

_She kissed him again, he put his hands under her top, caressed her back a bit and broke the kiss._

Elliot: You're right, Olivia.

_They were looking at one another, still holding one another. _

Elliot: You're right. It's better if we don't see each other anymore. It would be too dangerous.

Olivia: Yep.

Elliot: Wow.

_He kissed her quickly and stepped back. He grabbed the bottle of wine, poured some wine in his glass and drunk. _

Olivia: Elliot, look at me.

_He turned to her, and she could see he had tears in the eyes. _

Olivia: What we had all these years is a blessing Elliot. We have been through hell together, we have had harsh moments, but… what we have is precious. It will always be precious to me. I love you. I'll always love you. But you're not mine, and you'll never be, and I'll never ask you to be.

Elliot: Stop! Enough said. I … **care** about you too, as I don't have the right to use the other four letters word. I wish you the best Olivia. I know we'll never talk to one another anymore, but I want to learn one day that you have found someone and that you have a kid. I'll be happy for you. I'll be jealous like hell of him, I don't have the right to, but I'll be jealous, Olivia.

Olivia: If you want me to be able to build something with a man, you can't to be in the picture anymore.

Elliot: I know. I understand, now.

_He stopped talking but she could see he wanted to add something. _

Olivia: What?

Elliot: How could you?

Olivia: Could what?

Elliot: How could you love me and help me in my marriage?

Olivia but her lip but it was too late, one tear was flowing down on her cheek.

Olivia: Because, in fact, I **love **you. I'm in love with you. I had to protect you, I had to take care of you, and Kathy's your wife. She is the person you go to after work, she is the person you go to when you come back home. I had to protect that.

Elliot: Whoaa….I can't imagine what you've been through. I couldn't stand seeing men turning around you, especially when I felt they could take you away from me. Being blind to my feelings made me selfish!

Olivia: You think of Porter?

Elliot: Do you? …. No…don't answer that question, that's none of my business. And I don't want to know either.

Olivia: I don't think of him. It's the one you have been the most jealous of.

Elliot: Yes, true. Period.

_He looked away_

Olivia: No one could ever compete with you.

_Elliot_ _looked back at her. _

Olivia: No one.

Elliot: If…

Olivia: If what? If nothing, Elliot. Like I told you, you have been my partner for so long, you have been with me for so long…you have been by **my **side for so long. All these moments we shared were **mine. **That was precious, that will always be precious moments. Precious memories. Even our fights will stay in my mind.

_He smiled at her. _

Elliot: I have not always been kind to you.

Olivia: And I have made as well too.

_They both smiled. _

Elliot: So…this is it? Our last night together ?

_She frowned_

Elliot: Woops, could be misunderstood.

Olivia: Yes, it is the last one.

Elliot: If I organize a last drink with the guys, would you come?

Olivia: Maybe.

Elliot: If I promise you Kathy won't be there?

Olivia: I can't promise you, Elliot.

Elliot: Okay. I understand. I just can't imagine this is really happening. I can't, I don't want to believe this is the last time.

Olivia: You have to. That's better, for you, and for me.

Elliot looked at her, and nodded.

Elliot: You're right. But it hurts.

Olivia: Yes, it is. And it will for a while. But at least it's not like we'll working in the same building.

Elliot: Exact. Olivia, promise me something.

Olivia: What?

Elliot: I'll never want to read in the newspaper, or hear on the radio or tv that…

Olivia: I'll be careful, don't worry.

Elliot: Thanks. Who's going to have your back now?

Olivia: I don't know yet. I have partnered with Fin, with Amanda, and Nick…

Elliot: Nick?

Olivia smiled at him: Yes, Nick.

_He looked at her and she was smiling. He was worried he would be replaced. _

Olivia: Yes, he's a nice guy, no, I'm not interested.

_Elliot put his hands in the air_

Elliot: None of my business…

Olivia: None of your business…but I'm not interested.

Elliot: I guess I should go.

Olivia: I you want.

Elliot: I don't **want**, I have to. The sooner the better.

_She walked to the door, he grabbed his jacket on the counter, put it on. _

_She opened the door, and was leaning against when he walked towards her. He saw her, came closer, looked at her in the eyes. Shee whispered: _

Olivia: Good bye Elliot.

Elliot: Good bye Olivia.

_He grabbed the door but as he walked outside he stopped, and turned quickly. She was surprised and felt his lips on hers. He had turned back to kiss her one last time. He came back inside, closed the door and pushed her against it. He place his hands on her hips, and one leg between hers. He lifted her a little and pressed her against the door. She placed one hand on one of his and they both intertwined their fingers strongly. They didn't want to leave one another. He placed one hand on her cheek, and she pulled him against her, placing one hand behind his back. She was stuck between her door and his body, her head was spinning around. She released the grip from her hand that was in his and let it wander again on his back, sliding her hand under his shirt and touching his skin. He moaned and led his hand under her top, slowly going up. None of them were thinking. They were both expressing what they both had held for so long. When he reached he bra he heard her moan louder. In less than one second he realized it felt right but it was wrong. He stopped. They both looked at one another. She bit her lip. _

He whispered: I really have to go. Now.

Olivia: Yes. Get out.

_They both laughed._

_She caressed his cheek. _

Olivia: I love you.

He leaned to her, kissed her softly and whispered: Good bye Olivia.

Olivia: Good bye Elliot.

_He opened the door, and shut it behind him. She stayed there, leaning against the door. She closed her eyes, and let tears spread on her cheeks. _

_He walked down the hallway, feeling hot tears flowing down, but he didn't care. He just had said good bye to a precious woman, to his best friend, or like Kathy said once, his second wife. _

_They both knew they had now to mourn their partnership, their friendship, their so special relationship, to be able to live a new part of their respective life._

_They had lived what no partners could ever live together._

_It was the end of the partnership of Olivia Benson, and Elliot Stabler, __**The **__duet of SVU Manhattan._


End file.
